Had a good conversation with some friends about death and dying yesterday and it’s purpose. This led me to imagining my wrinkled body wearing out, lying on a bed somewhere, looking around at my loved ones, saying my last words I wondered how I might feel on that bed? Proud? Regretful? Loved? Wanting more? How do I WANT to feel?
Without despairing or going into the morbid, this acknowledging of my impending death has got me thinking. Instead of ignoring it and recoiling from it, I’m inviting it to teach me something. If I listen, it tells me, “Live well now, this game doesn’t last forever” and “Tell people how you feel about them”. It reminds me, “Why worry about that little thing, it only has a pin head’s effect on your life in total” and it pushes me…”You’ll probably only have one shot at this, just fucken go for it”. It provides certainty, “You know nothing gets done unless there’s a deadline – death is the ultimate deadline. Chop chop!!”
Hearing this, it’s clear to me that it’s good to tune in from time to time. And to that question of how do I want to feel? Let’s lay it down. As an old-old lady, I want to feel the true satisfaction of a fun, full and courageous life lived whole heartedly with my friends and family knowing just how much I loved them. Saying it like that, I actually think that’s quite achievable. Now back to the living…
P.S Before you go, look at these amazing dog pictures by Amanda Jones. You won’t regret it!
IMAGE: Maddy at age five and Maddy at age ten. Amanda Jones Photography / Via amandajones.com, cited from www.buzzfeed.com/javiermoreno/these-portraits-of-aging-dogs-will-absolutely-warm-heart